#040: Want the Secret for Happiness? The Answer is ‘The Middle’ (Revisited)
“Stay in the center, and you will be ready to move in any direction.” ― Alan W. Watts
UPDATE: I’m back!! After a hiatus, the weekly articles will resume next week — July 13th — with the first new article in over a year. But to get things moving again, I want to share one of my favorite articles to-date. Nearly three years after this article was originally posted, ‘the middle’ continues to be my mantra and focus to stay feeling balanced and happy. However, I’ve had a few people push back and tell me that no change has ever come from ‘the middle’. While I fully respect this opinion, I know that the healthiest place for me to remain is in ‘the middle’ for the reasons that I state below. But these challenges have made me realize the beauty that can exist on the extremes. It can lead to change and revolutions (for better or worse). It can lead to exciting and incredibly unexpected/unpredictable moments in life. So I want to add a caveat that allowing yourself to break from ‘the middle’ in certain moments is great (i.e. a growing civil rights movement that requires extreme action, a vacation to allow yourself to break from the normal routine etc). But outside of that? Try to pull back towards ‘the middle’ whenever possible.
For this week’s article, we are going to widen the scope a bit past the music industry. After many conversations with my brother (which inspired this article), some friends and clients who are recording artists over the last few weeks, there is one topic that continues to emerge — finding and focusing on happiness in life. This generation is already pre-disposed to many factors that have increased mental illness, mainly being the effects of social media and the endless options for isolation (video games, video-on-demand, etc). But now with the COVID-19 pandemic and the cycles of shelter-in-place orders expanding across the country, we are seeing a more dangerous time than ever for this. But even if not falling to a place of despair, an emerging recording artist many times places so much focus on the next item on the to-do list or striving for the next level of success, that enjoyment and happiness in life continue to be pushed to ‘next year’. It is with that connection to the music industry that I address finding happiness and success.
The answer boils down to two words — The Middle. This is not a revolutionary concept and one that has been embraced in the core foundation of Buddhist teachings. However it is also a concept that has disappeared from our modern consciousness. This concept applies to all areas of life, but it will usually be in the mix for most decisions made throughout the day. Overly restricting access to something that brings pleasure and joy is a form of starvation. But at the same time, the over allowance of something that brings pleasure and joy results in that happiness disappearing continually over time and/or dependency. Think about it with your favorite double cheeseburger or pizza spot in the world. Getting that burger or pizza one time every few weeks or month results in supreme joy when eating it. But if you had to eat that for lunch and dinner everyday, it wouldn’t be long before you were sick and tired of one of your favorite meals. This same principle applies to most situations in life.
There are eight core areas of a well-rounded life: family/friends, career, fun/entertainment, wealth, health/fitness, love life, personal/spiritual development and your physical environment (city/house or apartment/etc). The first step 1) is to seek to find as much balance across these categories as you can. There will always be 2-3 categories that consume more time and energy than the others, which is OK, but over time continue to shift as much as possible towards an even balance. The second step 2) is to look deeper into each category, think about how it relates to your life and find ways to bring more balance and centrism to each. So, for example, if your family and friends set-up includes an overly needy boyfriend/girlfriend that doesn’t allow for any time for your family, other friends etc, that is a situation that must be balanced — most likely with a breakup or a hard conversation to shift the dynamic. The third step 3) is implementing this mindset and decision making process into how you live life and act each day.
With those three steps, you will be on a path towards improvement in the most important areas of life — overall happiness and living a fulfilled life. But the path to reach that destination won’t allows be linear or a smooth process. Finding that balance is difficult. You may understand everything said above, but there is a particularly intense month of work that doesn’t allow for that balance to be reached. That will happen and is always a part of life. But with the implementation of the three steps above, over time the desired results will always be reached. And even here we realize that in certain times events in life will pull the focus too far in a given direction, but what must always follow? A return to ‘The Middle’.
See some examples below on how ‘The Middle’ is a better result than the extremes of all or none at all:
EATING BAD FOOD OCCASIONALLY GIVES FOOD REWARDS > ONLY EATING FAST FOOD LEADS TO HEALTH ISSUES/DEATH
HAVING A DRINK TO END A LONG DAY IS A STRESS RELIEVER > DRINKING A BOTTLE OF WHISKEY PER NIGHT LEADS TO ALCOHOLISM/DEATH
WORKING HARD AT YOUR JOB BRINGS PRIDE & JOB SECURITY > ONLY FOCUSING ON WORK LEADS TO A LIFE THAT IS UNFULFILLED & A WASTE
BEING POLITICALLY ACTIVE ON EITHER PARTY SIDE IS GOOD > BEING AN EXTREMIST ON EITHER SIDE LEADS TO DESTRUCTION AND HARM
INVESTING YOUR MONEY INTO A DIVERSIFIED PORTFOLIO BRINGS GREAT PROFIT > INVESTING 100% OF FUNDS INTO ONE STOCK BRINGS GREAT RISK
RUNNING 3/4/5 MILES EVERY MORNING KEEPS YOU HEALTHY AND ACTIVE > RUNNING ULTRA-MARATHONS PUTS THE BODY AT RISK
HAVING SEX WITH YOUR PARTNER A FEW TIMES A WEEK IS FUN AND HEALTHY > HAVING SEX 10 TIMES A DAY IS NOT
FIND THE MIDDLE IN AS MANY AREAS OF YOUR LIFE AS YOU CAN & HAPPINESS + SUCCESS WILL FOLLOW
